Letting Go and Letting God

Can anyone explain to me how to “Let Go” and really give our worries to God? I believe in God and I've felt His power in my life before but it seems like I am on this continuous rollercoaster of trust vs. doubt and I really want to get to a place where I am free from all the fears that are holding me back, not just from living the life I want but also and most importantly from having and maintaining a relationship with God.

 “I’m giving my troubles to the Lord.”  I’ve said those words a million times before but have I really? I fear not. I honestly don’t even know how that is possible. I feel so selfish to say that I am expecting God to handle the problems that I have created.  We all worry, but my worrying, anxiety and fear are literally holding me back. It’s draining me of all energy and life inside me and over the years I have faded to what I feel is less than nothing. My biggest fear is that one day it will be too late. That God will get tired of waiting and chasing me. I am physically mentally, and emotionally tired and I do not want to run any more. I can not run any more. My only choice now is to gain an understanding of what God wants from me and for me so that I can move forward. But how do I do this when I feel so lost. I realize that I am the only one standing in my way and I desperately want to know how to get past this.

I know without a doubt that God has a purpose for me. I have felt it my entire life, but I have also run from it my entire life. I get close to God only to pull away just like with every other personal relationship I’ve had. I’ve put up so many walls that I don’t even know how many are there any more. Is it possible to put up a wall from God as well? It is possible to be afraid also of his love?

I know that God would never turn his back on me so what am I afraid of? Perhaps I am afraid not of Him letting me down but instead I am afraid of me letting Him down. I have so many questions and too few answers. I want answers. I want to break free of this darkness that has a hold of me. I want to say it’s going to be alright and really believe it for longer than the moment. I want to smile a genuine smile. I want to believe in myself the way that I believe in God. Is any of this really possible or am I doomed to a life of depression and pain? My life is still out of control in my eyes, even despite the fact that I have grown so much and come so far. I'm still missing something. There is a huge emptiness inside me and I need to understand why I still do not love myself enough to allow God to love me too, to allow God to guide me and trust God to know that everything will be alright. I guess the question is not why can I not let God in but instead why I will not allow Him to stay. Why do I keep pushing him away? What do I fear?

What’s holding me back? How do I “Let go and Let God”? Is there really such a thing, or is it just something people say? I’ve heard that if you do not leave your worries with God then you are saying to Him that you do not trust him, but I want to trust Him. I really do want to allow His presence in my life; not just for a moment, a day, a week or for months, but I want to know how to allow him in permanently……. I want to feel that feeling forever….that feeling you get when you know God is with you….the feeling of complete joy and happiness, when you’re so happy you cry, that feeling that no other can make you feel and that no other can compare. I have felt this before, many times, but it was always short lived and I want to take this feeling with me where ever I go. I want God and Need God in my life so how do I let this miracle of God happen????

Pictures from December 2011

Following are just a few of the photos I took throughout Decemeber....

My Beautiful Alyssa

The Twins Gowing up way too fast!!

The Three of Them together!

My Handsome boys!!!

Isn't she lovely?!

Following are a few of my favorites of  Baby Peyton. It was an absolute pleasure working with Peyton who was the first infant I have taken pictures of other than my own children. Little Peyton made it so easy with her easy going personality. I can't wait to take more of her soon!!!



Latest Photo Shoot

A touch of color

Photos taken on 10-24-11

 

The Spivey Family

Recently I had the pleasure of taking pictures for my sister and her family. The pictures turned out lovely.  Following are just a few!



What a beautiful group of people!

 





Father and Children

 

 



My Photo Shoot with Alyssa and Leah :)

After looking back at some of my much older shots I can see just how much I've improved in my picture taking and the more I experiment the more I fall in love with photography. These picture were taken November 24th and 25th. It's so much fun working with the girls, naturally they are drawn toward the camera and they both have huge personalities that makes taking their pictures a breeze.

I hope you'll enjoy! These of of my neice Leah and my Daughter Alyssa; two of the most beautiful girls I know!!

What a beautiful Smile. I love this one!

 

Laughter caught on camera...

 



I absolutely love this one of her.....she is so happy here and these are moments
I love to captured.

hmmmmmm

Sometimes the hardest decisions for us to make are those that are so important that there really isn't a choice...where the decision is out of our hands and the only thing keeping us from moving forward is the stubborness of our own hearts...It is these decisions that bring us the greatest heartache because it truly is a matter of the heart and not the mind...but the hardest step is always the first and with each step that follows it will get easier.....not because the act itself has became less hard but because it is after that first step that God steps in and carries us the rest of the way! Trust in yourself and trust in God!! ~ Love, Wendy ~

LETTING GO TAKES LOVE

I came across this poem and thought I would share! God Bless!!


LETTING GO TAKES LOVE

To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off,
it's the realization I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable,
but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means
the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
it's to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.
To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective,
it's to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and love more
and
To let go and to let God, is to find peace !

Author Unknown

Born Anew

Today, at age thirty, I learned for the first time just how much I love and need my mother. Yes I know that sounds a bit strange even for me, ecspecially considering that she has been apart of my life for it's entirety. We have always maintained a relationship through the years but I sadly always felt a bit distant from her and oddly enough wished we were closer. It's kind of crazy because she has always been the one person to have my back through out my life, yet still I felt something was missing. perhaps it was I who in my own guilt driven feelings of unworthiness kept a wedge between us. I think I can see it now.

During recent months I did feel like there was a different kind of bond being built between us. I for the first time was able to open up to her about my childhood trauma and for the first time in my life I actually felt heard. My pain was acknowledged and that has played such a huge role in my growth and healing,  She says she's noticed changes in me but some of those are in part thanks to her. She has given me an outlet and I'm so thankful for that.

So today out of the blue I recieved a phone call from mom telling me about a wonderful job opportunity she had just received. I was happy for her..... and then I heard something about it being out of state and blah blah blah....six to eight weeks...blah blah blah....literally that is all I could hear. The smile on my face quickly faded and I was speechless probably for the first time in my life. My heart sank, there was a knot in my throat and without any warning panic filled my heart and I choked back tears. I heard "I thought you would be happy." HAPPY??? ARE YOU KIDDING ME is what I was thinking but not wanting to be rude all I could manage was "I'll have to call you back". Click I hung up the phone and even before I could lay the phone on the desk I burst into tears, crying like a little girl who was just told by her mom that she was moving away and leaving her behind. I had no idea where these emotions were coming from and even after she came to my house to check on me I still couldn't admit what had me upset. I love my Mother dearly and don't think I could live without her. Literally. Not is some crazy dependent way but because I love her and because she is my best friend. It took thirty years for me to realize this but I'm so thankful to have been blessed with this realization. I will no longer see her the same way again. Our relationship was born anew today and also born today was a new found respect for her.

It's crazy now how much time I let pass me by not cherishing her words of wisdom, her tender hugs, her late night phone calls when I was on the verge of a meltdown, all the time, sweat and tears she put into helping me raise my children, and all the many many times she's lifted me up from the deep clenches of depression telling me that this to shall pass. I'm sorry I haven't been more appreciate of her. I'm sorry I didn't tell her more often how special she is to me and I'm sorry I didn't tell her I loved her enough. But thankful so very thankful that I still have the rest of her life to make that up to her, and I will!

Tonight I will sleep  peaceful knowing that if all else fails and the entire world turns their backs it will still be ok cause I'll always have one person in my corner....My Wonderful Mother!!!!

I came across this poem

WHEN I'M HURTING

It's easier for you to walk away, than it is for you to reach out to me.
It's easier for you to look away, than it is for you to see the depth of my despair.
It's easier for you to look through me, than it is for you to see "me."
It's easier for you to distance yourself, than it is for you to really care.
It's easier for you to hear, than it is for you to listen.
It's easier for you to judge, than it is for you to understand.
It's easier for you to label, than it is to get acquainted.
It's easier for you to bask in your joy, than it is for you to feel my pain.
It's easier for you to bewilder at my mysteries, than it is for you to probe deeply into the depths of my soul.

It's easier for me to look away, than it is to let you see the feelings betrayed through my eyes.
It's easier for me to cry, than it is for me to talk.
It's easier for me to walk alone, than it is to risk rejection.
It's easier for me to push you away, than it is for me to be held.
It's easier for me to distance myself, than it is to trust that you won´t hurt me.
It's easier for me to die, than it is for me to face life's challenges.

It's hard for me to smile when I am hurting.
It's hard for me to talk when you won't understand.
It's hard for me to reach out when I need help the most.

If only you'd really look at me and see who I am.
If only you cared enough to reach out when I push you away.
If only you'd hold me, without asking why.
If only you'd acknowledge the validity of my feelings.

But it's the easy roads that are most often taken.
And so I hurt alone.

--Jo A. Witt
Copyright 2000