Imperfect Happiness

So what is it really that we look for in a person when looking for a life partner? As crazy as it sounds I believe that as we're looking for a someone to share our life with we do not look for a perfect person but rather an imperfect person who fits perfectly with who we are and what we want from or out of life. We look for a person who is either imperfect in the same ways we are or who is imperfect in different ways. In finding someone who is imperfect in the same ways you find also someone who can relate to you because you've shared similar experiences, this imperfect person makes you feel understood. Someone who is imperfect in different ways than you allows you both to draw on the strengths of the other; thus balancing each other out. It's a matter of what's most important to you and what works best for you. We all have different needs and wants in life and so for each one of us what we look for is a little different, however, all in all most of us want the same things. To be happy. To have someone love us unconditionally. To be respected and appreciated. To find someone who we can relate to and who helps to balance our life. Too often though as we search for happiness we forget that in life nothing is perfect and no one can be happy all the time. We sometimes forget the "worse" in for better or worse because as one thing meets our expectations we are already looking for better, looking for more. And in chasing happiness often we are never satisfied. The thing about happiness is that no one is happy one hundred percent of the time and you can't make others happy all the time either. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in trying to please the people we love that we forget about our own happiness and overlook the fact that in trying to make them happy we have made ourselves miserable. This isn't healthy nor is it fair to you or your partner. Even in making the other person happy you are hurting the relationship if you are neglecting yourself because if you aren't happy it will show and it will have a bad affect on your relationship. In making changes to try and please each other there has to be balance and compromise in order for it to work. The idea is not to change for the other person but to change with the other person. My point is that relationships are not happy all the time. There are periods of growth which will likely hurt like hell but that's when true commitment and love will carry you through.

Only One Me

You think, I think I’m better than you?

No! I use to be you, now I’m tryna show you

Grow you , While others expose you

Come, let me know you 

The name isWendy Anee, Ann with an E,

Preciousanne, SweetP, or you can call me Mommie

One in the same…the same are all

It does not matter which name you call

My name does not shape me, make me, and 

Can not break me, do not mistake me 

There is no fake me. 

I am who I am and what you see is what you get

 There’s only one me so do not forget

Let Our Story Begin

My mind runs in a million directions

There are thoughts of you with no objections

You’ve trespassed into the depths of my mind

Bringing with you feelings not yet defined

You’ve captured my attention; curiosity runs wild

Plastered across my face is a permanent smile

A smile caused by you so to you credit is due

Thank you my friend for being you and for being true

I have no way of knowing what our future will hold

Or what memories or stories have yet to be told

But when it comes the heart feelings will not be denied

And when it comes to you I hope it’s me you trust to confide

For I am your friend and will be till the end

Now take my hand and let our story begin……..

A look back...

So this along with the last several posts I made today are a few journal entries from over the last year or so .....Recently inspired I think I'm ready to write again so I'm updating my blog and getting ready to start again!! I love going back and revisiting thoughts from my journals...it's great to reflect and great to see how far I'm come...I guess I wasn't as hopeless and helpless as I once believed! Feeling good and better than ever! 

The truth is my past still lives with me, haunting me like a plague. Every experience of pain follows me like a stalker. I can not pretend any more, can not force myself to forget when every day situations and experiences trigger past memories. I just want to scream. I want to close my eyes and pretend that all the pain that lives deep within my heart is not really a part of me. I want to pretend that my life was perfect and that the hurt placed upon me didn’t change me; didn’t shape me into this frightened, lonely, unstable, child-like adult. I want to grab an eraser and erase all those memories that have left scars deep within my soul. I walk through like with my shoulders down, not by choice but from the weight of all the baggage I carry along. I try to take it from my shoulders but like a dog chasing its tail I never can get a hold of it. Round and Round I go like a merry go round. Up and down I go as if on a rollercoaster. Highs then lows. When will this ever end? How long must I pretend? I’ve lied and cried until I just can’t focus on what’s real any more. Lost in this big world with no one to turn, no where to go. I close my eyes and can for a just a moment feel freedom. I imagine what it would be like to not wake up, no to have the responsibilities and struggles that life has dealt. It feels good. I want to escape but the person that God created in me will not let me. Like a criminal I am a prisoner. A prisoner of my own making. I isolate myself over and over again and each time I feel myself traveling deeper into the tunnel. I’m then left wondering if this time I’ll make it back out on the other side or will this be my last journey into the darkness. I choke, I can not breath. I am suffocating  ... No wait I see light, ahhhh then air slowly fills my lungs  and I emerge once again from a place I thought I would not escape. I did it, I tell myself over and over again. I’m stronger now. I can continue on, and I 

New Love

My heart is crying out to you
I know it’s true, you feel it too
I’ve never felt this way before
And never have I been so sure
My dreams once lost, I dream again
But best of all I’ve made a friend
No doubt on love I’d given up
But now love over flows the cup
You come to me with open arms
You brought the love with lots of charm
Your love is gentle, sweet and kind
That kind of love is hard to find
This is why I’m truly blessed
Could this be love? Should I confess?